One year on

What a difference a year makes. I've just re-read my old posts from last year and it has reminded me that with good friends and family, you can through pretty much anything, no matter how bad it is at the time.

I've just got back from the Gardeners World Live show in Birmingham where I've been helping my two brilliant friends Sid Stratton and Bridget Robinson with their RHS Gold Winning show garden, 'The Slow Burn Garden'.

I'm off to Barchams Trees tomorrow for a conference on Urban trees and when I get back, it's time to be more positive with Garden and Beyond.

I CAN do this

Just had a quick coffee break and walk round the garden and I've realised that I can do this, and it reminded me why I'm doing this degree: I want to create gardens for people that lift their hearts, the way that my garden lifts mine (even in the desperate and neglected state it's in, but that can all be sorted out later).

And I do actually know what I'm doing, and for me, much of it is instinctive. As a designer, I need to make sure that I can communicate the reasons for my decisions so my clients have faith in me and recommend me to others. As long as you have a good understanding of the site, the client etc, the rest will follow.

So much still to do but I'm currently feeling optimistic (for now).

Just to prove that I did tidy my office, here's the after photo. It's currently somewhere between two.

First task of the day

Well it's the morning after the day before and first job of the day (well, not really - washing, getting kids off to school, write and email to the teacher re homework not done because I was too shattered to help last night etc etc)  is sort out the pit that is my study so I can crack on with the next 3 weeks of work.

Music on very loud, coffee and chocolate biscuits to hand and wading into the mire.

Lots of work to do to get what's below ready for the 19th May but I've got my crit sheets, and as soon as I've got the pit sorted, I'm off and running. I can't believe that I produced so much from so little. I've got lots more to do so I'd better get on with it.

What a day

3 weeks of hard slog, despair and determination led me to today's final crit.

I'm shattered but exhilarated. I finally think that I may actually pull this off. If I can produce what I have in the last 3 weeks then I CAN do the rest of what's needed in the next 3 weeks.

I feel exhausted but excited.

I'm having a night off tonight, ready to resume in the morning and carry on to the finish.

Just have to help youngest daughter with her English homework - a poem by Ted Hughes. I'd rather do battle with AutoCAD vs InDesign. Never thought I'd say that!

All going well . . . not

These last few weeks say far more about my strength of mind at not giving up and running away than my abilities a garden designer.

Thank heaven for rest of the group - knowing you're not the only one still working at silly o'clock in the morning or being able to fire out a question because you're having trouble is great.

Wonder what the solution for this little treasure is - cartooning by Autocrap:

I never did work out what on earth happened - it was quicker to re-hatch an unrendered one. 

That combined with InDesign having a total hissy fit and lots of Uni machines being used for rendering. Got to love technology.

I know Jamie, a prime example of why we do need to be able to draw.

Got to keep going. 

A picture says a thousand words

http://fiveagainstone.wordpress.com/2012/10/05/i-was-a-rabbit-in-your-headlights/

I have no idea how this is going to end but I will continue working my socks off and see what happens.
I just can't see how I'm going to get everything done.

You have to hit the bottom before you can return to the surface

I've been feeling totally despondent recently, and as though I am completely incapable of finishing this degree. Worryingly I think I was also disengaging with the entire process, not quitting, just letting go.

The only thing that has kept me from giving up is knowing that I can't do that now, because I can't let everyone down - family, friends and most of all my wonderful flowery friends. Even more pressure!

Every Monday I force myself to go in to Uni and am so relieved that I have. I do always feel better for going in, and it stops me from getting even more behind . . . until yesterday when even the cat joined in on my path of self destruction.

An emergency trip to the vet, 2 jabs (the cat, not me) and £54 later he seems to be perking up so do I.

I had a brilliant chat with an old friend (haven't spoken to any non-degree person for a while) who reassured me that the way I'm feeling is totally normal at this stage of proceedings. It was really helpful and thankfully I now feel reinvigorated and am sitting at my desk raring to go.

I have a list, I have rewards planned for completing certain tasks and thankfully I have more than 14 hours to save the Earth, well, get stuff done for the pin up.